The infamous Shelby-girl, in her chair, watching the world go by.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
For Sure
Yesterday, on my Facebook page, I wrote in my status box, “I am unsure.” Simple and even a bit vague – not intentionally, but just the way I felt at the moment. I didn’t think much about it to be honest. But others did. One person said that being unsure didn’t seem like my personality type (And what would that be – Unhuman Bitch Type B?). One said she had never known me to be unsure about anything. (The funny thing is that I am not sure who wrote that now that I think about it...hmmm…) Another wanted to know what specifically I was unsure about and if she should be worried. I started to think about how to respond. What am I unsure about?
I am unsure about things big and small.
Every day things. I am unsure of what I will wear, usually because I am unsure of what is not yet in the piles of dirty laundry. Switching, mixing, matching, tugging, searching, ironing, and even changing after I thought I felt pretty sure. (And all that then leaves me unsure as to when I will have the time, quarters, and muscle to drag it all to the Laundromat.) I am unsure if I should answer my home phone. I don’t have caller id. I never know how long it is okay to drink milk once it has expired. I worry that I have either over or under watered any type of plant. I am unsure of if and when one of my tires will blow out. The light indicating imbalanced tire pressure has been mysteriously on for a few days now. (The mechanic was unsure of the reason.) I am unsure of how my day will go. I plan the day but that always changes with bad hair, long lines, heavy traffic, or forgetting to apply deodorant in the morning. Today specifically, I feel unsure about the bug bite on my shin. It seems to have been there too long. (I am not sure it isn’t a scar at this point.)
And I am unsure about bigger things. I am unsure that I will ever have enough money to pay off my debt, let alone retire before my 101st birthday. I hate the question, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” And don’t even get me started on organized religion. I am unsure that I will ever need a Maid of Honor. I know there are plenty of fish in the sea, but at this point I am not sure I know how to swim. I don’t know that I will ever be able to bitch about morning sickness or labor pains. I wonder when our troops will come home, and how many more this country will lose. I am unsure that our country will ever be truly healed of racism, homophobia, sexism, and hate. And sometimes I doubt the impact one person can have on all that, leaving me then unsure about my purpose in this life. Anyway, I am not sure that which makes this world beautiful will even exist in the future, depending on what we kill, cut down, destroy, or pollute into extinction next.
There are a few things I am certain of though – both big and small. I am not a morning person. I strongly dislike onions, thunderstorms, ignorance, heights, large crowds, and the feel of cotton balls. I know that babies, mashed potatoes, lavender, Diet Coke, most animals, hoodies, and any episode of Sex in the City make me smile. I am certain that there are few things better than sand between your toes, love letters, Aunt Deb’s No-bake Cookies, and the crisp air of autumn. I can count on Shelby-girl, my once-stray now spoiled pup, to be happy to see me when I come home, no matter how long or short I have been gone. And while I don’t know where I will be in five or ten years, I am sure that my work and my personal life will always be in line with what I believe to be true and worth saving. I also know that I have family and friends whose love and support make me more comfortable with being unsure.
Most importantly, I am completely sure that I will always be working on getting to know myself and my piece in the puzzle. I sometimes just wish I had the box – seeing the big picture helps put it all together.
I am unsure about things big and small.
Every day things. I am unsure of what I will wear, usually because I am unsure of what is not yet in the piles of dirty laundry. Switching, mixing, matching, tugging, searching, ironing, and even changing after I thought I felt pretty sure. (And all that then leaves me unsure as to when I will have the time, quarters, and muscle to drag it all to the Laundromat.) I am unsure if I should answer my home phone. I don’t have caller id. I never know how long it is okay to drink milk once it has expired. I worry that I have either over or under watered any type of plant. I am unsure of if and when one of my tires will blow out. The light indicating imbalanced tire pressure has been mysteriously on for a few days now. (The mechanic was unsure of the reason.) I am unsure of how my day will go. I plan the day but that always changes with bad hair, long lines, heavy traffic, or forgetting to apply deodorant in the morning. Today specifically, I feel unsure about the bug bite on my shin. It seems to have been there too long. (I am not sure it isn’t a scar at this point.)
And I am unsure about bigger things. I am unsure that I will ever have enough money to pay off my debt, let alone retire before my 101st birthday. I hate the question, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” And don’t even get me started on organized religion. I am unsure that I will ever need a Maid of Honor. I know there are plenty of fish in the sea, but at this point I am not sure I know how to swim. I don’t know that I will ever be able to bitch about morning sickness or labor pains. I wonder when our troops will come home, and how many more this country will lose. I am unsure that our country will ever be truly healed of racism, homophobia, sexism, and hate. And sometimes I doubt the impact one person can have on all that, leaving me then unsure about my purpose in this life. Anyway, I am not sure that which makes this world beautiful will even exist in the future, depending on what we kill, cut down, destroy, or pollute into extinction next.
There are a few things I am certain of though – both big and small. I am not a morning person. I strongly dislike onions, thunderstorms, ignorance, heights, large crowds, and the feel of cotton balls. I know that babies, mashed potatoes, lavender, Diet Coke, most animals, hoodies, and any episode of Sex in the City make me smile. I am certain that there are few things better than sand between your toes, love letters, Aunt Deb’s No-bake Cookies, and the crisp air of autumn. I can count on Shelby-girl, my once-stray now spoiled pup, to be happy to see me when I come home, no matter how long or short I have been gone. And while I don’t know where I will be in five or ten years, I am sure that my work and my personal life will always be in line with what I believe to be true and worth saving. I also know that I have family and friends whose love and support make me more comfortable with being unsure.
Most importantly, I am completely sure that I will always be working on getting to know myself and my piece in the puzzle. I sometimes just wish I had the box – seeing the big picture helps put it all together.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Watch out World!
Okay, I admit that there is an excitement assumed in the title of this blog which implies that I am doing something new and ground breaking for all the world to see... Um, yeah, that may have been false advertising. Nothing ground breaking here. Just throwing it back to the craze of 1999 and becoming a blogger. Had to draw you in to my first post somehow though.
Not surprising that I am a little late on the scene. After all, I am the girl that still accessorized with a beeper until the year 2000 (to my defense, it had a transparent turquoise, glittery case that did add just a little something to most of my outfits). I admit that I am usually just a few steps behind the latest and greatest in terms of technology. I don't have cable, but I do have my antenna in just the right spot... (whew)... so I don't have to get up and adjust much anymore. I don't have Internet service, which is probably one of my better decisions since I don't own a computer. I do have a cell phone, but it doesn't allow me to listen to music, read maps, take measurements, trim my bangs, vacuum, pump up a bike tire, give CPR, or whatever the hell else they have an "app" for these days. And I still don't really understand Twitter. In fact, the only thing I do know about it is that it sounds like a knitting term. "Knit, pearl, twitter, and repeat" a couple hundred times and you've earned yourself a mean potholder.
Anyway, with every twist, turn, and tumble that life brings, I often shake my head and mumble, "I swear could write a damn book." A friend finally said to me the other day that I should. Figured I would start with a blog first. Test the waters.
I have to warn you though. My title is a very appropriate pick. I really am just one lil' girl with an opinion, which I am happy to share. In fact, my opinions about life, love, and other craziness (like the general public, politics, and pet peeves) will be the topic for most of my posts. I have read other blogs and know what they have to offer. So, let me not mislead you. I am not a mom. There will not be any adorable pictures of sweaty, sticky little ones running in the sprinkler, eating in the highchair, or sleeping in the stroller. I won't be offering advice on breastfeeding, bedtime routines, and award winning diaper rash ointment. I am also not a person that speaks frequently and evangelically about my faith. If you are looking for a Psalms verse-of-the-day or to better understand the relationship between Jesus and the disciples, let me encourage you to look elsewhere. The Bible might be a great start. Finally, I must also warn you that I am not dark, mysterious, and antisocial. No dark poetry, Marilyn Manson lyrics, or violently disgruntled art will be posted here. I do have bangs but not a picture of myself with them hanging heavily over most of my face so all you can see is one eyeball. I am a social worker though, so if you were hoping for that sort of scene, I can refer you out to some helpful resources.
Really, I am just a single, stubborn 30-year-old woman with bad luck, odd yet lovable relatives, little money, a few extra pounds, great friends and an even better dog. Which I realize now sounds sort of depressing when it is spelled out all in a row like that, but at times it can be humorous, thought-provoking, enlightening and heart-warming. So, I thought I would share. Like it reads, I'm "just one lil' girl with an opinion." Watch out.
Not surprising that I am a little late on the scene. After all, I am the girl that still accessorized with a beeper until the year 2000 (to my defense, it had a transparent turquoise, glittery case that did add just a little something to most of my outfits). I admit that I am usually just a few steps behind the latest and greatest in terms of technology. I don't have cable, but I do have my antenna in just the right spot... (whew)... so I don't have to get up and adjust much anymore. I don't have Internet service, which is probably one of my better decisions since I don't own a computer. I do have a cell phone, but it doesn't allow me to listen to music, read maps, take measurements, trim my bangs, vacuum, pump up a bike tire, give CPR, or whatever the hell else they have an "app" for these days. And I still don't really understand Twitter. In fact, the only thing I do know about it is that it sounds like a knitting term. "Knit, pearl, twitter, and repeat" a couple hundred times and you've earned yourself a mean potholder.
Anyway, with every twist, turn, and tumble that life brings, I often shake my head and mumble, "I swear could write a damn book." A friend finally said to me the other day that I should. Figured I would start with a blog first. Test the waters.
I have to warn you though. My title is a very appropriate pick. I really am just one lil' girl with an opinion, which I am happy to share. In fact, my opinions about life, love, and other craziness (like the general public, politics, and pet peeves) will be the topic for most of my posts. I have read other blogs and know what they have to offer. So, let me not mislead you. I am not a mom. There will not be any adorable pictures of sweaty, sticky little ones running in the sprinkler, eating in the highchair, or sleeping in the stroller. I won't be offering advice on breastfeeding, bedtime routines, and award winning diaper rash ointment. I am also not a person that speaks frequently and evangelically about my faith. If you are looking for a Psalms verse-of-the-day or to better understand the relationship between Jesus and the disciples, let me encourage you to look elsewhere. The Bible might be a great start. Finally, I must also warn you that I am not dark, mysterious, and antisocial. No dark poetry, Marilyn Manson lyrics, or violently disgruntled art will be posted here. I do have bangs but not a picture of myself with them hanging heavily over most of my face so all you can see is one eyeball. I am a social worker though, so if you were hoping for that sort of scene, I can refer you out to some helpful resources.
Really, I am just a single, stubborn 30-year-old woman with bad luck, odd yet lovable relatives, little money, a few extra pounds, great friends and an even better dog. Which I realize now sounds sort of depressing when it is spelled out all in a row like that, but at times it can be humorous, thought-provoking, enlightening and heart-warming. So, I thought I would share. Like it reads, I'm "just one lil' girl with an opinion." Watch out.
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